Diary Entries

On some days you feel aligned with Peace. On some days Peace is so distant, you’ve forgotten what it feels like. You know what it looks like. A loving text. A photo of an old friend. A cherished recipe. A smile. Graffiti. A Japanese garden in the back streets of Tokyo. A spider web. A suitcase in your bedroom. An open bar when you thought everything was closed. Herbs on the kitchen bench. Sounds. A voice saying yes. A favourite song. A bird singing. The sound of a parcel being dropped outside your door. A running creek. The sound of your motorbike starting. The sound of hello. A whispered affirmation. When Peace returns you are welcoming. Too welcoming? You are casual. So casual you’ve left notes laying around expressing your love of peace. A kiss seems appropriate but your affections are clumsy and you walk with Peace around the house as if to say, “Look, nothing has changed since you were last here.” You shower with Peace. You cook dinner with Peace. Obviously a favourite meal that you are confident with, as a token of your appreciation to have such welcome company. You sit for dinner with Peace and break bread. You savour every mouthful and chew slowly because eating with Peace is artistic. Late at night in bed you feel the embrace of Peace and her kisses and you would swear that Peace has a perfume. You want to tell her she’s been gone too long and that you nearly forgot what she felt like. You hope to tell her you don’t need her, but you do so you shut up. You hope she never leaves again but you know that she will. You breathe in deeply. You glance through the window and view the stars.

Hi School, I appreciate everything you are trying to do for me but I don't think I can do this long-distance relationship anymore. I miss you. I admit you drive me crazy sometimes but I have had so many good times with you and I'm losing my mind without you. The memories, distantly replay in my mind on a repeat of our time together. Do you remember the hours we used to spend with each other? When we learnt from each other? I don't. I am now stuck at home trying to talk to you, tell you I'm okay but honestly I'm breaking down. I haven't been outside, I haven't talked to anyone and I'm confined to my thoughts. I forever alone without you. Let me come see you, I will be good. I'm sorry about the way I used to behave when we were together, I didn't know myself. But know all I what in the world is to see you. You make me a better person. Come back to me. Sincerely Yours, S

There is so much we don't know. Over our history, humanity has learned so much about the world we live in, what we can do in this world and what is beyond our home. Yet we also know nothing. We look to the stars and can only guess what goes on up there, our mind struggles to comprehend the scale and beauty of what we see every night in the sky. We don't understand our own minds, how do they work? How do we have a conscience and where does it come from? We look to the stars yet we have only explored a small piece of the ocean. Humanity looks to the stars and within ourselves in the pursuit of knowledge. We try to find reason and logic in everything we observe when there maybe none. And the fact that we know so little is what drives us to accomplish things that were never considered possible. We don't know much. But we have the determination and minds to discover more than we now could ever think possible.

Another 'far too early' waking from yet another restless night. I haven't slept properly since I had my heart metaphorically ripped out of my chest. Anyways, back to the drawing board. I woke up, and as most Gen Y's do, I laid in bed for another 30 minutes scrolling through my phone. So healthy, aye? After wasting time, I waddled my way into the kitchen and made some heavenly raisin toast and drowned it in butter (obviously the only way to have it), turned on the Vampire Diaries on my iPad and then begrudgingly made my way to my laptop to begin the day of online learning. Period 1 passed like a blur, all of the work completed. Period 2 was a study period in which I completed some work from my 'usual' 7:30am class. I spent the time allocated for recess outside, stretching on a poofy purple yoga mat. Coming back inside after getting my absorption of sun, I begun Period 3; in which I had to do this. Miraculously as my stomach started growling my dad came home with FOOD! The excitement I felt when I saw the food was indescribable. However a force of ill habit made me feel guilty about eating it - so afterwards, I drank water. Which leads me to now, writing this on this website for school work and waiting for a text message which sees if I get to socialise with non-family members today. (Oh no! Corona! Such a SCANDAL!) School also starts Friday next week; something in which I am not overly happy about. *cough* ________________ *cough* thank you for that.

With the world currently in a state of disaster so am I. I started this whole staying at home thing well, especially since I am not the most social person. Although it may have started out great it has quickly turned me insane. Normal me would go to bed at a decent hour but more recently it has gotten later and later making normal day to day activities harder. While it has made me insane, I have become so grateful for the people around us who are trying to save lives. I have become more appreciative of everything my parents and sister do for me after spending all this time with them playing board games and doing puzzles with them.

I've been existing in a society, the society we live. For, we truly live in a society. Business. The business of a society. Or is society the business? Truly, my understand cannot comprehend. Society has trapped us. Society sits there, holding us in it's palm, and says "No, this is not you! This is my business! The business of society!" Sometimes, I wonder. And then I remember.

Welp. I'm bored Stupid corona. I didn't mind isolation at the start. Thought it would be fun, being cooped up at home, able to binge watch stuff and play video games all the time. Now, time is non existent for me. I sometimes don't even know the day. Everything's just a colorless blur. I'm feeling a little lonely without friends. Family is there but sometimes I want to throttle them, but resist the urge to do so. Hope this will be over. Stupid corona

The city's pulse has slowed. The rapid breaths of commuters, traffic, traffic lights, people, things, stuff, have been extended into conscious breathing. The lungs feel clear. There's space in between us. Crossing Sydenham Rd is no longer a dance with death. Birds have replaced planes. Less means more. I like it.

I have been one of the lucky ones - I am still working as I did before and so have not had the terrible financial worries that many are suffering. I feel bad for all the cafe, restaurant, retail and other workers that I see waiting outside the Centrelink office just around the corner from my place. One of the things I have noticed is the sky - I can see the coast of Newcastle from my balcony, and the sky has gone from choking, smoke-filled haze during the bushfires, to slowly becoming more clear than I have ever seen it. I suppose this is due to the lack of traffic in nearby Sydney as well as some slow down of industry. Even my brief local drives to work have been so much easier, and buses are quicker with less traffic. I think about the return of the smog when this is over, and how much attention we will pay to the changes that happened during COVID19 in this way. There also seem to be more of some birds, like crows, in the area, and I have been reading and watching news about the return of wildlife to other parts of the world, including some formerly polluted waterways. I wonder how much effort people would be willing to make in order to have this changes be permanent, and how much difference it would make to the world in the long run. The pattern of effect of COVID19 seems clear, as I follow the news every day. Countries where people were more looked after prior to the pandemic are coping better. Places where there was less money or disposition to care for all parts of society have fared much worse. This is something I hope will not be lost on us.

I was sitting on the floor of my bed room cutting the bottom of a t-shirt. I cut the fabric in to strips and tied one end together. then I braided the strips together and tied it shut. i used my handy-dandy red scissors to make the the ends more fluffy like pompoms, and that was my first pet toy that i made for the RSPCA. then I took the top half of the t-shirt and gave it to my sister because, waste is wasteful.