Diary Entries

Watsons Bay, Sydney I’ve had to give up my piano teaching business for the foreseeable future, and have stopped travelling to students’ homes. It’s just not safe. Feeling anxious because I don’t know how long I’ll have no work. I’m surprised to find I’m missing teaching. And I miss Gussie and Gracie. Going to their home to teach each week is so nurturing. Unable to see anyone for my birthday, presents come to me in the mail. Long, English gardening gloves for the roses, red paisley gumboots, and two cookbooks. We both went to Chiswick for a happy birthday lunch, with tables separated. Such a treat to enjoy a glass of wine with hot winter vegetables from the Chiswick garden, and they gave us a packet of basil seeds to take home. I’m starting to feel listless without any work. Hundreds of books on my shelf that I could read, pieces of music that I could learn on my piano, but the ennui is really starting to set in. Children are now being schooled at home, online. What a nightmare. Many teenagers in Glebe are trapped at home with no computers to do their schoolwork, so we’ve organised to take them some no longer needed ones from the university. Lots of work is needed to wipe them. I also took the Youth Service some groceries and some sanitary items for the girls, as they are very short on supplies. Homeless people in Sydney are being placed in hotels to keep them safe from COVID, but it will remain to be seen how long this will last. I donated some money to the Wayside Chapel so hopefully this will help a little. Many flats in Watsons Bay are suddenly for lease, with children’s crayoned and painted rainbows appearing in the windows.

Covid 19 is a new born virus that the world has never seen before. We do not know much about this virus but scientists are trying to make an immunisation. We do know that it came from China. The news said that maybe it came from a wet market. I went to a wet market in Malaysia last year. The floor was wet and it was hot and full of flies. There was meat lying out in the open air. There were cages full of live chickens and dead chickens on top of the cages and a bucket of chicken guts next to it. Everything looked contaminated. Scientists think that the virus came from a bat but I did not see any bats there. Maybe they had sold out. It was very interesting but personally I'd prefer Coles. Covid 19 has affected my daily life. Things I can't do right now-I can't see my friends. I can't play on the play grounds. I can't go to the shops to buy new toys. I can't go to parties. I can't go to the meetings. I am also worried about my Great Grandma because she is over 80. But let's look at the positives! Less pollution. Rare turtles are building nests on empty Thai beaches. The water is clearer. The air is cleaner. People have stopped driving so much.

(Part 1) Bette Davis once said “Old age is not for sissies.” I think she was right, but why am I quoting a long gone Hollywood actress? Well I’d tell you if I could remember...um..er...Oh I now, remember, it’s about the Queensland Premier. You know her Annabella...no that’s not it. Annafrieda? No that’s the lovely red-headed girl from ABBA. Remember them? As well as the redhead there was that tall blonde with legs all the way up to her award-winning butt, and the two boys in the background. Whatever happened to them? Well, like all of us they just got old and can’t do all that fancy dancing queen stuff anymore. I remember that night in Sydney, eons ago when they were performing outdoors at the sports ground and it rained. Well as it turned out ‘legs’ slipped on the wet floor, fell on that famous butt and bounced back. If that happened today there would be broken hips and slipped discs from here to breakfast time. Sorry, I seemed to have shot off on a tangent. What is a tangent? Well I’d look it up for you, but I can’t lift the Macquarie dictionary anymore. It’s too big. I blame the young ones, you know, for making up all these new words and overstuffing the dictionary. Just believe me that it’s something you can shoot off on. Oh bugger, see what I did, I ended a sentence with prepatostrum and I just know I’m going to receive a missive from Rigby. Have I told you about my friend Rigby, he’s really a sweetie, but sees it as his mission in life to correct all my grammar, spelling and punctuation. Now don’t be too harsh on him, after all he is a retired teacher. (To be continued)

During this surreal period everything has changed but looks superficially the same. I still walk everyday, from my house in inner western Sydney, to my warehouse studio . It's sunny ,and the streets are full of people running or walking dogs. It feels like a perpetual Sunday ,only more crowded with everyone anxious to get out of the house . I keep reminding myself I cant meet friends , go to cafes, restaurants or anywhere beyond short walking distance. Besides my own paintings for future exhibitions, , I am also working on a number of collaborative projects , a ballet ,a cabaret and book of poetry .. all compromised by being unable to physically meet ,not knowing where and when we can. Right now I would be in our apartment /artist studio in Paris with my partner Bernard Ollis . My exhibition in Shanghai postponed to next year as have other international commitments. Things are bad for artists, events and commitments, cancelled or postponed , no idea when they can be rescheduled , this includes my major painting exhibition in Sydney: over a years work .. and a years income, very worrying , but I am in a better position than most people in the arts. I have been fascinated by the effect isolation , social distancing and the stream of frightening news has on the subconscious. This is a time of introspection, intense feeling and collective anxiety. Many people are experiencing vivid dreams containing thoughts that have been largely barred from consciousness. I am working on a number of things in the studio about this strange psychological state including a long artist book 5 metre - corona diary and a series of other works about dreams .

It started as normal work day with the Virus taking control of our lives. My work continued as a front line officer. About 10.30am I received a call from my wife. She was distressed, her mother, in a nursing home had turned for the worst. I left immediately picked up our son and make the drive to her. On arrival we were met by staff and informed that we were to late she had passed. We had a temperatures take PPE given to wear and entered her home of three years to say goodbye. A woman of 93 years, exceptional person, order of Spain recipient her name Concha Trivin. She cam from Pain in 1961. Learnt the language, loved life and loved her new country. Married Gus, and adopted their only child Ana Marie. They lived in the city and remained there until they brought into the Suburbs, Ashfield NSW to retire. Gus passed in 2002. Concha remained in Ashfield until 2017, were age and care that was needed moved her to her last home at the only Spanish Nursing Home. She received the award for contribution to the Spanish community with Australia, she worked tirelessly to help others. A woman who gave so much to so many got a respected send off with only 10 people allowed to attend. She was robbed on the many family, friends who would have attended to bid her a fond and respectful farewell. A strict Catholic who attended mass every day until she went to a home was given a full catholic send off. The virus that generations will read about in the future, not only affected everyday life for everyone, they robbed many of the dignified send off they deserved. A terrible hard year for all.

I fought a drowning part of me in a glowing cave in the silent of night. Gasping for air; heart beating; an invisible inhabitant soars around my matter. I hold this tension in my bones. A white smoke inhaled from expanded lungs. A spark in a wick of warmth. I abandon the horror; the panic; the smothering. I felt warmth and compassion and Life through a technologically advanced vibration in the air connecting one Soul to Another with verbal expression. Calm. I found magic; I found power; I found innocent playtime again. Rising. I visited a lover through glass and empty space of matter. Muffled verbal expression. Charades of comfort where there should have been embraced warmth. A melancholic saline streaked swollen and soft skin when distance was inevitably expanded. Salt, sand, soul. He refills my Strong, A silly present for a Lover. Smiles. Breathless. Playful. Happy. Warmth. I refuelled my empty Love battery today. Her magic returned. The battery seeped silently; unknowingly. The magic leaked. The power diminished. She vanished again.

Continued from previous So, the 14 days isolation started. As I’d been away I had very little food at home. Home delivery of groceries was not possible due to panic buying of groceries occurring. I was very lucky that a couple of friends were willing and able to go shopping for me. I supplied a list of what I wanted, they went to the shops, rang to clarify when items weren’t available, and delivered them to my door. The door wasn’t opened until they had gone, and I transferred the money directly to their bank accounts. While in New Zealand, I’d emailed work to offer to work from home, as I didn’t want them to put me on annual leave. By the time I got back, the situation had been clarified and I knew that Council (where I work) had to allow me to work from home or I was on special leave (as I’d left the country before the isolation requirement was imposed). So, they had to pay me if I couldn’t work from home. While they did have systems that allowed people to work from home, they were not available throughout and there were numerous forms that needed to be completed. All this took time. For the first week I only really had access to email and a work phone, and I was limited in what I could do. I was getting bored, and time was going slowly. I was bored enough that I did start a clean up of various rooms (and I hate cleaning), but I couldn’t dispose of items, so they were still sitting around. TBC

Day Three! Bored. So very bored. And this isn't even the worst of it yet; I know my character has the capacity to be bored-er. Today I woke up, slept in till about 9. Cripes. I've got so much work to do, I'm not completely free. SO MUCH WORK. Got up to use the toilet a few times throughout the day, ate awful food. I should eat healthier if I want to age well. Interesting times. One feels as though every scrap of news one hears is not at all surprising. I can't seem to remember where I hear things from; there is news everywhere. Work is a distraction, but a dull one. I tire of having my butt planted at a desk for half the day. My back hurts. I hear school is almost like a ghost town. Christal said yesterday there were only two other Year 11 girls. No Year 10s. This is an awful, depressing topic. I'm going to talk about something else. I watched 'Ever After' yesterday, the one with Drew Barrymore as Cinderella. Barrymore's English accent is highly questionable, but I look past that. Lovely, lovely film. The guy that plays Prince Henry is nice-looking. I can't wait to be married. Talk of weddings - I think you're restricted to only 5 people now? I feel so bad for people who have died from this virus. I want to go to sleep and dream of something really nice. Let's hope tonight I fall in love with some dreamboat from England, HAHAHA. And then I'll wake up from my dream at 6:10am and doze off again, and then study and do work, and then repeat, and repeat, and repeat...

I have never been more terrified of rain. I like rain. i like the sound on the roof and the smell, and feeling of calm. I can't right now. because I know what it means. or, atleast i know what experience has told me to feel what it means. There is an assumption that in times of stress people become poetic, but i have never been that. I don't do that. I can't make things poetry. I never could. and i am terrified. people are going to die. people are going to be destroyed. people I love maybe. I don't know. Everything is uncertain and I am terrified. Its not poetry. its not even profound. Its just fear. The only thing I have ever been any good at is words. and i don't have them anymore. because this is terrifying. All day. every day. Eventually it will end I think I assume but time no longer seems to be a thing. Its raining. and I have never been more terrified.

Day Two of isolation. How very queer of me to neglect my poor diary in such interesting times. The other day, Nghi described it as 'living a history lesson'. Couldn't agree more. My messages were flooded with friends asking 'Are you going to school tomorrow?' It was the strangest feeling ever, I tell you. I was supposed to have a Biology assessment task yesterday and both my Legal and Maths exams today. "Things change so fast" people are saying. So here I am, up on a 'school night' well past my bedtime. I say, the pleasure of snoozing my alarm with no qualms, of waking up and only needing to walk downstairs to study is marvelous! I know this pandemic is terrible. People have died, and it's frightening. School at home is nice, that is perhaps the only element of self isolation I enjoy. To be frank, to be kept at home, is, at times, maddening. How can one feel so bored and so busy? I just wish I could go to the city and play!