Diary Entries

I am a 70 years+ male from the Southern Highlands, south of Sydney, and have only been resident in this area for 4 years. After settling in, I ventured into the Bowral Men’s Shed one day and have been a member ever since. Bowral Mens’ Shed like all Men’s Sheds is a concept to assist with mental health by bringing men together (and now some women) most with similar views, handy with their hands and eager to learn new tasks; but it’s the involvement with others that makes it most enjoyable. Our Shed has a woodworking area, a separate metal area and another covering all things electrical. When social distancing came about due to Covid–19, the lunchroom tables and chairs were rearranged to enable separation of members by the required 1.5m. There is friendly rivalry between the metal workers and woodworkers. During the first morning tea under the distancing rules, one of the metal workers came with a measuring tape for a bit of fun and proceeded around the table measuring the distance between all members and then in some cases, move them a few centimetres. One of the woodworkers on seeing this said he was amazed that metal workers knew what to do with a measuring tape. The same gentleman some time back noticed me struggling with a piece of wood and asked what I did previously for a living. On telling him he replied “Oh I could see you weren’t a carpenter”! The Mens’ Shed unfortunately has closed down due to the restrictions at the moment and I miss the varied conversations, humour and comradeship from such a great bunch of old fogies like me. Hopefully when we get back together, all will still be with us and we can all remember the last joke we heard.

All my friends talk about the fat side effect of Covid 19 but up till now I seem to have avoided the big (literally) problem. Sure my day was a chronicle of tea, tea, zoom coffee, tea, coffee, sherry and an evening glass of wine - what else was there to do to mark the day's progress after 6 weeks in voluntary lock down. So, after the first reduction in lock down restrictions, why was I suddenly craving double servings of most foods? Comfort eating or a delayed anxiety eating symptom? Maybe the anxiety due to the pandemic was the cause of a loss of weight in my case so perhaps this was a rebound. My other theory is boredom - I have now mastered turban tying to indulge a fantasy and cover my overlong hair; I have had so many zoom chats and read so many books that my eyes are tired; every leaf in my garden is in place and most cupboards and shelves have been cleaned. I even washed the door-stops! Hmmm, boredom eating does sound like a corona lock down side effect and I think it will probably affect the whole global population except for essential workers, of course. I hope we have enough Diabetes 2 test kits.

I am a university lecturer and I have been working at home during the #COVID19AU lockdown. I am very lucky because I have a stable job and I do not have to worry about job security (at least for now). But I am also under enormous pressure. The university told us this is a wonderful time for researchers to be productive and publish prolifically. It is also a wonderful time to become an online teaching guru. It is essential for us to understand that our students are very anxious. My department head just shows off the jogging, the baking, the 'creative' craft, and wonderful bonding time with family. But no one cares that the university academic staff are unbelievably stressed and anxious. I am really sick of that pretended positivity and the assumed superhuman qualities. I have been working 14 hours every day over the last four weeks because I have to keep up with online teaching (and responding to endless student complaint-emails about how they are anxious), publishing, researching, and grant proposal submission. I am exhausted but I am not even allowed to say that - because only my students are entitled to anxiety. If I am anxious and exhausted, maybe I am not good enough for the job. And as a migrant, I have been constantly told that I should be feeling so entitled. I am constantly being told that another Australian could use my job even though I am more qualified. I hope the semester is going to be over soon because I really just want a 14-hour sleep.

It's hard to live in a pandemic It's hard to live in a pandemic when your parents are essential workers It's hard to live in a pandemic when your sister screams every time the news comes on It's hard to live in a pandemic when you know your great grandma's spending her 91st all alone But despite this I am grateful Grateful for the selfless front line workers who shift after shift, put themselves at risk for our own benefit, Grateful for technology, for being the shining beacon that has saved our sanity And grateful for my family, for being the rock that’s there to say 'everything's going to be okay' Because of them I know it will be. Whether it be in a month, 2, or even a year, of course it's going to get better, because it always does. We have the Aussie spirit on our side, a curve we hope to never flatten.

I wake up each morning thankful for the sun, the birds I hear chirping in the trees, my home, my job and the ability to work from home. It's been seven weeks since lockdown, but life still goes on. I've adopted a kitten, had more time to read, think, reflect, walk around the neighbourhood. It is the simple things which mean the most. I've marvelled watching my brother heading out for his nightshift stacking shelves at Woolies, my mum and friends still working in the schools and hospitals. Yes, we are all in this together, but some more so than others. We are not in all ways equally affected by this. I've been amazed and inspired by the generosity of artists, musicians and entertainers, whom we all turn to in a crisis to nourish our souls and spirits. For continuing to do what you do in incredibly difficult circumstances and with little support, I salute you! To my flamenco teacher whose income stream of gigs and classes were cancelled because of the pandemic, and whose Zoom classes not only continue to educate, inspire and keep us emotionally and physically fit, but give purpose and employment to artists overseas as well, I thank you. Although we are physically apart, socially and artistically the world has come together - sharing stories, music, dance and art.

The time of our lives.. We hadn't had an overseas holiday in 3 years, so when all this started we were having the time of our lives in New Zealand. It didn't feel real. Then we arrived home, Sydney airport was.. weird. The staff were nice, but it was strange seeing masked Australians greet us instead of warm smiles. We made it to our car in record time, we had a flat battery - was this the start of 2 weeks quarantine! Thankfully we were allowed home, it felt good but scary. We can't leave for two weeks, can't see our loved ones after 4 weeks away. We survived and thrived in our new home/work environment - mostly. Suddenly days had rolled into weeks and we could now see our family, walking 1.5metres apart. It felt great, sharing walks with my sister saved my sanity. I work in a tourist facility, we were told 4 weeks then our jobs would be reassesed. I worked harder than ever before, learning new technologies, building new webpages, throwing myself into producing engaging 'SOCIAL MEDIA' content. I hated it, but I love my job and my team, and my historic buildings. COVID - 19 would not change that. I found a lump last week. The possibility of a new medical condition in this 'new' world. Fear is different now..

This was the year where everyone thought "new me", "new decade", "new things". I thought that too. I went to Brisbane five days after New Years and it was a wonderful way to spend the start of the year. But, who knew a wave of terror was going to hit us. Right after I came back from Brisbane to Sydney. The news came, a deadly virus in China. Didn't think much off it. Two weeks later. The virus has spread to many countries and the cases in China were rising drastically. Everyone was scared and everyone didn't know what was going to happen. CO-VID19 IS NAMED PANDEMIC. Some people thought it was nothing and laughed it off and I really wanted to tell them, NO, it is something and it is concerning and it is dangerous. I just finished playing sport one Friday when I found out that NAPLAN was cancelled. I was kinda happy but worried as well. WEEK 8 Tuesday was my last day of school. It was on March 24th. The date today is May the 8th. I'm going back to school for one day a week from next week. I liked spending time at home though, I spent a lot more time with my family. The future is untold.

The first three weeks of this were great. Plenty of time to write and think about my place in the world, now that social obligations seem to have had disappeared. So much more reading. So much more time to exercise. But now something else is taking over. Weeks of the same house, the same weekend. Over and over. Now I’m feeling a bit like I’m ready for this to end. I'm feeling tired. The motivation I’ve known is falling away, and small things are beginning to feel difficult. I don’t have the outside world giving me energy, keeping me active. It’s all self driven. I’m ready to go out to a concert. I’m ready to go to a party and talk to someone new. Someone I haven’t seen for months! Someone new! A beer in the pub. Going to the footy and feeling the energy of thousands of people all excited and engaged. Winter is going to be hard if the restrictions stay. Leaving the house will be less enticing, and exercise will be more difficult. At least until now I’ve had a nice autumn day to go out and have a walk in. So I’m ready to go back to the way it was. I’ve learnt a lot about myself. And I’ve learnt the outside world is a source of energy for even the most introverted of us.

I am starting to become really accustomed to my COVID-19 isolation routine. Going back to the regular daily grind may prove to be interesting I feel, should restrictions gradually begin to lift. I am not entirely sure that being used to it is even a good thing--socially speaking, it has been a rather slow time. I am well and truly in my own head 80% of the time if I am not working remotely. I am one of the luckier ones...working four jobs over the last year or so has proven useful--I was stood down by one job, work dried up for two others due to restrictions on gatherings and the like...one has remained and seen me through the last six weeks. So between working that single job (tutoring) via online delivery, I have spent countless hours walking, completing the last two units of my second university degree, delving into the many genealogical mysteries my family seems to possess and writing. I am busy, but not spread thin like I usually am when all jobs are going full ball. Perhaps the pandemic has been a sign that I need to drop a job. That was made even more obvious when I was asked to come back to the one job that doesn't hold much relevance to my future career today...the lack of excitement on my part was palpable. Time to consider some permanent changes to my working schedule post restrictions.

I suffer from mental illness. But that very sentence is one I've not used before now. It isn't because I'm ashamed or unable to admit it to myself, rather that I prefer not to use the term suffer as it is one that usually denotes physical pain. But what else is there to describe it. There is no joy in having this condition. Major Depressive Disorder, Clinical Depression, there are plenty of names for it but few to describe having it. My condition has eroded my confidence and destroyed my social skills to the point where social isolation is the norm for me so I am not feeling the effects of the "lockdown" as much as others. In fact, I'm not really bothered by it at all, my existence has barely changed. I don't like going shopping, nor do I like sports, about the only thing I miss is live music. Even though I'm not fond of crowds. In truth, the biggest difference for me during the covid-19 pandemic is the unfortunately temporary relief from the poverty one finds themselves enduring whilst on Centrelink payments.