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Now that restrictions are being eased, I left the house to go to the local shops for the first time this week, and it didn't go well.
I knew that not being able to make regular trips to populated areas would affect my progress but I had hoped that my awareness of this would somehow reduce the severity but it didn't.
I used to make sure I went somewhere public once a week. Just to keep control of it. But after 9 weeks at home there was no way that I was getting through this without a relapse.
So now I'm reduced to being able to go out in the car so long as I don't have to get out. And I can still take my son for walks in the nearby bush. But beyond that my agoraphobia is too strong. Irrational but in control.
A lot of work will be need to get back to where I was and I need to stop myself from feeling like all the work I previously did was wasted. But I'm hopefully and I know I have people around me to support me.
But right now, as I lie comfortably in my bed, wrapped up securely in my blanket, the house still and quiet, I find it hard to convince myself that I can't just stay here, like this, safe and content, forever.
I knew that not being able to make regular trips to populated areas would affect my progress but I had hoped that my awareness of this would somehow reduce the severity but it didn't.
I used to make sure I went somewhere public once a week. Just to keep control of it. But after 9 weeks at home there was no way that I was getting through this without a relapse.
So now I'm reduced to being able to go out in the car so long as I don't have to get out. And I can still take my son for walks in the nearby bush. But beyond that my agoraphobia is too strong. Irrational but in control.
A lot of work will be need to get back to where I was and I need to stop myself from feeling like all the work I previously did was wasted. But I'm hopefully and I know I have people around me to support me.
But right now, as I lie comfortably in my bed, wrapped up securely in my blanket, the house still and quiet, I find it hard to convince myself that I can't just stay here, like this, safe and content, forever.