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Sleep is no longer a friend.
I have always been blessed with the ability to sleep. Waking in the night used to be for me a vaguely pleasant moment. I would realise I was awake and think that this was just a reminder that I was free to go back to sleep again, and so enjoy the feeling of drifting off again.
But in this world gone awry, waking in the night is a time to be reminded that my family's safety is no longer in my control. Worrying about your children's safety and happiness comes with the umbilical cord and can never be severed. It's just part of the package of parenting.
I lie in the blackness and worry about my girls; The one who has worked with all her heart and soul to build a business and follow her dream, only to have it smashed by events out of her control just as it was beginning to get solid; The one who is looking after pangolins and other assorted wild creatures in Malawi – who even knew what they were before they were being blamed for this plague - my comments to her about my being ok with her living in third world countries as long as she has first world medical care is haunting me; The one who is working in a NICU in Galway University Hospital, close to the front line in this dreadful battle – and for the first time in their lives I am helpless to keep them safe
And so I lie awake and struggle to breathe and wait for dawn when the crazy world of working from home provides a few moments of distraction
I have always been blessed with the ability to sleep. Waking in the night used to be for me a vaguely pleasant moment. I would realise I was awake and think that this was just a reminder that I was free to go back to sleep again, and so enjoy the feeling of drifting off again.
But in this world gone awry, waking in the night is a time to be reminded that my family's safety is no longer in my control. Worrying about your children's safety and happiness comes with the umbilical cord and can never be severed. It's just part of the package of parenting.
I lie in the blackness and worry about my girls; The one who has worked with all her heart and soul to build a business and follow her dream, only to have it smashed by events out of her control just as it was beginning to get solid; The one who is looking after pangolins and other assorted wild creatures in Malawi – who even knew what they were before they were being blamed for this plague - my comments to her about my being ok with her living in third world countries as long as she has first world medical care is haunting me; The one who is working in a NICU in Galway University Hospital, close to the front line in this dreadful battle – and for the first time in their lives I am helpless to keep them safe
And so I lie awake and struggle to breathe and wait for dawn when the crazy world of working from home provides a few moments of distraction