Diary Entries

I wonder why I feel a sense of guilt when I see others suffering, when I am not. It is sometimes hard to to feel or revel in the joy that remains in my world as others are doing it tough.

I have been walking 3 times a week with friends, socially distanced of course. It’s very easy to fall into the slump of negative thoughts whilst we are all isolated, but I am constantly reminded of the beauty and colour of our world. Coronavirus can’t take that from us. Yesterday, while walking a pathway behind a nursing home and a childcare centre we came across large laminated pictures of flowers. Some were hanging from the fences, some were hanging from the trees, some were tied to the seats along the way. I don’t know who placed them there but it was wonderful to be reminded of the beauty of flowers. This morning, another walk, different route. The path took us under a bridge where lots of rocks were placed. Ordinary rocks with extraordinary messages and decorations on them. A magnificently colourful display of painted rocks. Just beautiful. So you see, there is still beauty and colour in our world, you can see it when you least expect to. I wonder what I’ll see today.

Coronavirus: Good or Bad? I don't think that Coronavirus is a bad thing. I prefer online learning and doing all my work in bed. (wink, wink). this kind of reminds me of the Black Plague which happened in 1347. There were many deaths and although there was no vaccine created to stop it, the world still went on. This gives me hope that even if we don't find a vaccine, we can still get through this, together. Stay Safe World.

I'm feeling OK in the lockdown, I'm enjoying actually being encouraged to stay inside and read! I've got through so many books and TV series during this time. I've been working from home for two months and it's going OK, I chat with my team on Microsoft Teams all day and we video chat so it doesn't really feel that different. I'm not missing getting up early for my 40-min commute so that will be a shock when we eventually go back to the office, hopefully it will be a phased return. I can't imagine going back full-time will be happening anytime soon. The hardest thing is that I'm from the UK originally and the cases over there are astounding and they aren't handling it as well so that makes me worried for my family and friends back home. Flights have been stopped too so if anything happened, I wouldn't be able to get back.

God almighty! The world is caving in on itself, In slow motion. This viral stampede Sending us, fleeing like a sea mice, Back to our hidey-holes This crisis is so terrifying That the men in big suits have seemed to have forgotten the months when the land erupted in flames. For this crisis does not care For the digits in your bank account, For your total assets, or the GPD. And so we cling to each other Holding through the distance, Watching the death toll rise, Watching our pockets run dry, Watching the clock, Waiting, for a time when we can hold one another again.

The days stretch on. Clouds inch over the skyline and the trees hardly sway; they are holding their breath. Everybody, everything, is in wait. I sit at my window and look. I squint my eyes, focusing in on the horizon, as if concentration itself will transport me to another place - any other place. I wonder what the world thinks. Does it know? When kookaburras cackle, flying over half-empty streets; when the wombats burrow into the soil, seeking refuge from the cold; when the bandicoots search for insects in the middle of the night; when the crickets' chirp sounds alone; do they know what is happening to us? I know one thing for sure - we have to take something positive from this. When we emerge from our homes, when everyday life returns to us, we cannot allow ourselves to forget what we've learned. How we saw nature begin to replenish in the absence of human interference; how small, common interactions became our lifelines; how our loved ones became even more dear to us. These lessons must settle in our souls. I hope essential workers get the recognition they deserve for keeping our society functioning. The teachers, the medical workers, the grocery store employees, the police, the firefighters, right down to the garbage collectors; they all risked their own lives for us. I hope we learn to value each and every member of our workforce. Most of all, when we look back on this time, I hope we remember all that we've learnt. I hope it changes us.

I live in Queensland. During the months of the Global Pandemic I have kept watch on the numbers and statistics throughout the World. It has been catastrophic for so many countries. We seem very lucky, at this stage, months in, and for now in Australia, holding well on Covid 19. I hear people say "they expected the worst here, but it isn't going to happen!" My cousin said it to me during a phone call this morning. I don't think any of us can say that and be certain. We are on the brink of Winter. Weeks and weeks are passing, not working, trying to be very productive at home. I have found that, given we can't just go and visit and do all the usual things I am more in touch with friends interstate via technology. I miss my late parents, but am pleased they didn't see 2020 as they were of advanced age and we would not have been able to visit very much at all. We said goodbye to them in 2018 and'19. I would have loved though, to talk to my father (a WW11 Veteran) about life during The Great Depression. There may be comparisons made later, we will see how everything turns out during the next few years. The panic buying was ugly to see. It was a relief for most when the supermarkets started to monitor people and spacing within the store. The ugly side of humanity came first. And then the greatest side of human kindness emerged. It is there to see every day. Things I miss: The library, sitting in a cafe, driving a longer distance, the hairdresser!!! A time of reflection for me. The World slowed down. There are positives in all of this. Stay safe.

Personally, I kind of see Corona Virus as a good thing. For me, I love online school, don't need to see anyone I don't want to and I have all the free time in the world do whatever I want (whether that is productive or not). Besides with Corona stopping people to go out you can see the world healing. Its already apparent that the world is dying and in a way Corona helped the environment (water is turning blue again and I am sure there is less deforestation occurring). Anyway that is my take on it

March 26 A friend of mine told me, about a little bug, I figured they meant, one that hides under my rug. So imagine my surprise, when I heard on the news, It’s invisible to all, and just ignores your views. When Donald T blathered, Get out of USA! Or I’ll squash you with my heels. The little bugger answered, I don’t do deals. It dances in the air and gets snug in your lung, If you don’t get it out, it’ll make you feel quite bung. It’ll block up your nose and irritate your lips, You really won’t believe what is does to cruise ships. So cafes are out and you can’t front up to the pub, Cos it’s on every surface, and therein lies the rub. You have a seat, enjoy a drink, wave goodbye and leave Only to find out later, its infected your sleeve. Then you’ll have the splutters and be stuck in home detention, Your family has to shop for you, and oh, I forgot to mention - Don’t treat it lightly, especially if you’re short of breath, Because that little bug is an omen of death. March 26 Mary had a little lapseofjudgment Mary had a little lamb, She took it to the market. The place was overcrowded, She had nowhere to park’it. It mingled with strange creatures, from so far and wide, It started feeling funny, you know, on the inside. The lamb baa’d, baa’d and baa’d, hoping Mary would come and get‘er Then she’d be cared for and would soon be feeling better. But Mary never came, as creatures around started falling, The lamb imagined… I can hear someone calling. Yes, the big ram in the sky, with pointing finger said: You, and you, and you, it’s your turn to be dead.

TW: Eating disorders. Okay virus, I'm ready for you to leave now. I go back and forth in my head about everything. On the one hand, I feel so thankful that I still have work, but the prospect of traveling on public transport is so anxiety-inducing. I am suddenly very angry at my teenage self for not getting her license- which has never appealed to me, an anxious driver until now. I have also left my sharehouse out of fear that I won't be able to make rent on my now reduced hours. This has meant moving in with my family, which hasn't been easy. My sister has been battling an eating disorder for the past 4 years. She is a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant person, but she can also be very volatile and difficult to live with. I'm living in my childhood bedroom again and I can hear her eating and purging in the next room. I don't know what else to offer her in terms of help. We keep saying to her, that's she's capable of anything, that she's amazing and talented, but eventually one gets weary from constantly having to say exclusively encouraging things to someone. It is especially hard to be nice to hear at times because she can so often be manipulative and cruel. Though I know this is not intentional it still hurts. I am also completing my degree from my bedroom. I am, to be honest, gutted that I'm spending my final year of university like this. I am struggling to motivate myself and find myself exhausted after hours of zoom classes. I'm dreaming of the days were we don't bathe in sanitizer, and when I can hug my loved ones again. Soon, it feels near now.