Diary Entries

Overnight everything has changed. Usual day activity became restricted. The COVID-19 highlighted the human vulnerability and changed the values in our lives. Family and health are the most valuable things. :) Having a family dinner, meeting friends for coffee, and enjoying social interaction are the simplest things and best pleasures in life. بين عشية وضحاها تغير كل شيء. أصبح نشاط اليوم المعتاد مقيدًا سلطت كوفد -١٩ الضوء على الضعف البشري وغيرت القيم في حياتنا. الأسرة والصحة هما أثمن الأشياء إن تناول الطعام مع العائله ، والقهوه مع الأصدقاء ، والاستمتاع بالتفاعل الاجتماعي هي أبسط الأشياء وأفضل الملذات في الحياة

The Boys broke down the door to my Grans English, isolate house, to find her, Staired, stared at them, barely breathing, choking on the smallest living Illing, Killing Contra thing. Ambo sings Her along to Tube appointment, by Thames, these Times mean we cannot reach her, Teach her, our Nursery Tales, songs, tell her of new clothes, pictures we draw of her, Draws her breath, story Witch nothing else with Rhymes. But the poem-phone cannot to her bed, come plastic-wrapped, sleepless, hopeless, blessed Nurse brief the eventime, shine optic fibre across two oceans line fails, and we let time pass to Past Lovelore, and great pre-cough loveloss Memories and distance, stretched to silent hand Set to a faraway, farewelling forgetful Virus stolen, fading Vison of Mother.

Living through a pandemic is new, yet strangely familiar. In Tanzania, East Africa, where we lived for 12 years, cholera epidemics appeared at times in our village. The market would be closed down with restrictions on wedding and funeral feasts. We worked closely with people living with HIV, a pandemic much less contagious, slower to harm, and yet dangerous too for health workers. My translation work has been far busier than usual, with urgent deadlines for Swahili factsheets on COVID-19, and then revisions as public information keeps changing. Working out how to translate sanitiser, social distancing and masks was a challenge. I’ve had two uncomfortable tests for the virus. Both were negative. The first within a week of returning from Indonesia with a rhinovirus, according to the results. The second because of a lingering cough. With the recent slight ease in restrictions, I am glad I can now visit my 93-year-old father in his aged care facility and have our son and his girlfriend over for dinner. I’d hoped to have more time to do art, but I know the translation work is important as there are very few Swahili translators in Australia. I’ve managed to do collage pieces, some as challenges through The Other Art Show, and a large Self-portrait in the Age of COVID-19 to submit for an online Instagram exhibition with Lane Cove Gallery. I’m enjoying doing an online poetry course with Coursera, and facilitate two regular zoom meetings: a local writing group and a group working on developing our creativity using the book, The Artist’s Way. I’ve planted garlic, spring onion, mint, carrots and lemon grass in our back yard, mainly using food from the supermarket rather than seeds or seedlings. I think I wanted to affirm life at this time.

newspaper, email, radio, TV , everywhere.... Covid19 in Wuhan, in China and on the move via touch, by hand, by car, by train, by plane from there and here from over there from over here Head spinning ... better to turn off the TV, the internet and wait. Would it be as Wuhan, or London, or Italy or New York or Spain I read, I organised, I agonised, I mobilised, I zoomed once, twice , thrice and times beyond recall I trained, I donned, I doffed, I zoomed and zoomed again. I tested, tested and tested I distanced so my friends were distant I waited and watched and washed my hands and sprayed the phone, the desk, the mouse, the tap, the door handle and washed my hands again, changed my clothes and shoes ... and waited

This week, I suddenly told a workmate that I miss seeing him put eardrops in his ears. He’s tall and he has the longest arms. He had an ear infection before we left the physical workspace. I presume it’s better now. I hope so. In any other context that would be a weird thing to say, but everything is weird right now. I was talking to another workmate online and I couldn’t figure out if he were crying, because the connection was bad and he was all pixelated. I didn’t have the guts to ask if he were alright. I wish I had. A third workmate told me he had four books, and a videogame, lying unfinished around the house and that made me really sad. I miss work. And I miss seeing my workmates smile. Especially because the threat to our work is real in a way that may also not eventuate. Who knows? It’s worth staying home, though. Saving lives is the most important thing to do right now.

A small relaxation on restrictions kicked in last week — 2 adults and their dependent children can visit another household, for ‘care’ purposes, recognising human beings need contact with each other for good mental health. And so today, my sister, her partner and their son are coming up to the Blue Mountains from St Peters. The kids could barely sleep last night, so thrilled to have visitors it might have been Christmas. Thankfully a few chapters from “The Extremely Inconvenient Adventures of Bronte Mettlestone’ by Jaclyn Moriarty gave expression, release and relief to their excitement, chewing up time before bed and offering delightful distraction into sleep & dreams. We made a mushroom & spinach frittata for their visit this morning, M made his sourdough, and our family arrived with a selection of pastries from Sydney as a treat. We made a pot of tea and ate the pastries before we walked down to the fire trail leading to Hazel Falls. We passed an abandoned camp. It’s eerie—the sleeping bag and old coffee tin layered in dust, untouched for a time, under a stone ledge. My kids want to explore it but we call them back. An officer told me there were many such camps, and itinerants circulate through them, moving from one to the next on a never-ending cycle. Some of the family reached the waterfall ahead of the rest. If you stand at the bottom and look up, you have the uncanny feeling of being inside a giant ceramic bowl, such is the layering of dark stone and moss. It is wet-walled, a rainforest growth, and it was briefly quiet—the first of the group were lucky enough to see a big, beautiful, blue yabbie in the pool, before the noise of the boys sent it scuttling for cover.

When I came to Australia in 2017 with dream to earn my fortune and to change my 30 years history of misery,misfortune and failure,I was more hopeful than ever before. I have been teaching for 25 years but never want to do that. I've been an outsider writer and poet and artist. But I could not decide what I wanted to do in life because I had to think about earning the bread than doing anything fanciful. I have left behind five people waiting for me to come back and change their life in a good way so they can enjoy the amenities of life. They are my parents,my loving wife and two kids,one boy of 12 and a girl of 6 years. I haven't seen them for almost 3 years and they are eagerly waiting for me. Last year I lost my mother. Since the corona virus pandemic has spread all over the world,my family is worried about me than about themselves. They are at home with all safety in their hands but I go to job every day using public transport like bus,train,taxi and even walking. I am working in food industry where almost 200 hundred people work without any social distancing. They use same toilet, same lunch room and work as a team standing side by side sometime touching their shoulders. I must go to job because Australian government only support their citizens not temporary residents like me. But when I GO TO JOB IT FEEL LIKE I M GOING ON A BATTLE FIELD AND MIGHT NOT RETURN BACK. MY FAMILY ALWAYS PRAY THE GOD FOR MY LIFE. It is not that you would definitely be killed if you have corona illness ,it is the fear which kills you everyday before corona will kill you one day.

The first time I ever heard the word "pandemic" was in Year 6, drowned out by a chorus of chitter-chatter in the classroom. Today, I see that word daily - whether it be on the news or on in my YouTube recommended. Awkward conversations seem to always bring up "coronavirus" and be prepared to be flooded with a thousand "you got the corona!" if you dare cough without muting yourself. In truth, I think that COVID-19 has wreaked havoc in our minds just as much as it has in bodies. Like many others, I check the statistics daily. And every day I have to remind myself that these small black and white numbers on my laptop screen are more than pixels. They are lives. Humans with friends, families, passions and hopes and dreams. I simply cannot comprehend why people would choose to disregard this in return for what? Temporary superficial satisfaction? And not to mention the revealed faces of racism. A 15 year old high school student should never be subjected to xenophobic and racist remarks every day. But we are. A woman shouting "fucking Asians" in my face as I walk home from school should never happen. Belittling and stereotyping should never happen either yet it is relentless in my life. I am lucky to live here, where I do not have to fear the virus for much longer. Nonetheless, it is impossible to escape what has already settled in some people's minds. It just takes my breath away.

Well it's a beautiful day! Gloriously warm and sunny and the sky is clear. It feels busier -more cars appearing and roaring up and down our streets. We moved just before the lockdown. We were in our glorious family home for 25 happy years - but it was time for a change. So we just made it! In the nick of time! Now we are in the middle of a still bustling Potts Point with new faces and new walks - and with each other constantly! From large house to apartment living - an adjustment at the best of times - but eerily different in these circumstances. But we are happy. Covid-19 and the need to be locked down has been both liberating and confronting. Liberating because we have permission to just 'be' - not having to physically be somewhere else - and permission to go under the radar and be anonymous. On the other side of the coin however, is the very fact of being with oneself - and challenging dark thoughts I can otherwise physically escape from. It can be like sitting in the middle of a mess - just sitting with and amongst it. And some days are better than others. But aren't we blessed! A close-knit family making change and living in the safest of surroundings when we compare ourselves with other parts of the world. Truly an island. Perhaps that's what lockdown feels like - a lot of individual islands. Today, Saturday is great. Our beautiful daughters and baby granddaughter are visiting - and it is absolute joy! I had no idea being a grandmother could extend my excitement and love as much as it does! And feel like a child again myself - a naughty one! More to come. Enough for today. Bronny Carroll

Living Online How I hate it! Isolated Not that it is different from any other time A hermit anyway. Computer and phone my new best friends My paintings have lost their punch Words on paper don’t count for much Now and then I buck the trend Escape for an hour or two Somewhere I’ve never been A new street, a forest, or just somewhere green Friends and family complain Isolated Get out and breathe Make some plans Dream Soon we will be free Instead, I fall hopelessly in love With my computer screen.